Well, lets see a few days shy of a month from my last post, E and I broke up. I left him. I feel as if it was a mistake but only time will tell. I deserve to be treated better then the way it was happening.
10 days later my parents were moving, as I did have a family member offer to allow me to stay there, I made a quick and rash desicion of moving with my parents. 800 miles away. As I knew and know it's not going to be forever as I am already trying to get back home.
I hate it here! I love my father dearly but I can not stand my mother, I can not bare living with her!
I have no friends, because I know no one here. All my friends are back home and I will be home soon.
Soo anyway, no more wedding planning and back to being alone and empty...
I think that is it now.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Friday, March 12, 2010
march has been very awful
Soo I am sick all the time.. not like throwing up but feeling sick. screachy throat, ears bugging me, nose going wild or standing still. It just bugs me..
We hit rocks and still on small rocks...
Then BOOM bad bad bad!
can't go into details, I rather NOT go into details. It's a BOGUS FREAKIN THING and it's stupid and I don't know what to think or feel or whatever..
My depression has been taking over. I'm stressed to no end.
I have a doctors appointment on Monday and I'm scared shitless because I haven't had the best of luck with doctors. They are all freaking MEAN to me and RUDE.
I just want Pain killers and $$.. I want to work. I know I can't handle the pain so I just want disability to go through. I want things to be back to "normal" I want to have a good life. Things were going soo good. I knew something bad had to happen it always happens like this..
Not to mention my grandma being in and out of hte hospital.
What the hell..
Soo after starting March 11th off with BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD things... (sure I guess it could have been worse).. We later get some good news.. We got a hearing date in about 3 weeks. So hopefully he will be reunited with his boys very soon. Praying... He needs them so much. He will be such a better person and complete. His heart will be FILLED with LOVE AND JOY AND HAPPINESS once them boys are back in his life and he's back in their lives..
And I got the paper work to let me know SSD got my appeal soo I got to get that from my parents and go over that and do what I gotta do there. I have to change my address with some other places.. Praying it doesn't change some things because I have no clue whatsoever how we will manage.. It's soo scarey..
Praying he gets another 2nd job and brings in a few extra dollars a week.. It will help soo much. And that The Hearing is all the farther we go. I really hope we don't got to go any farther.
OK well that is it..
It has been a very very VERY BAD 11 DAYS in MARCH... Hoping the rest of the days in march are better.
Comments are very welcomed...
We hit rocks and still on small rocks...
Then BOOM bad bad bad!
can't go into details, I rather NOT go into details. It's a BOGUS FREAKIN THING and it's stupid and I don't know what to think or feel or whatever..
My depression has been taking over. I'm stressed to no end.
I have a doctors appointment on Monday and I'm scared shitless because I haven't had the best of luck with doctors. They are all freaking MEAN to me and RUDE.
I just want Pain killers and $$.. I want to work. I know I can't handle the pain so I just want disability to go through. I want things to be back to "normal" I want to have a good life. Things were going soo good. I knew something bad had to happen it always happens like this..
Not to mention my grandma being in and out of hte hospital.
What the hell..
Soo after starting March 11th off with BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD things... (sure I guess it could have been worse).. We later get some good news.. We got a hearing date in about 3 weeks. So hopefully he will be reunited with his boys very soon. Praying... He needs them so much. He will be such a better person and complete. His heart will be FILLED with LOVE AND JOY AND HAPPINESS once them boys are back in his life and he's back in their lives..
And I got the paper work to let me know SSD got my appeal soo I got to get that from my parents and go over that and do what I gotta do there. I have to change my address with some other places.. Praying it doesn't change some things because I have no clue whatsoever how we will manage.. It's soo scarey..
Praying he gets another 2nd job and brings in a few extra dollars a week.. It will help soo much. And that The Hearing is all the farther we go. I really hope we don't got to go any farther.
OK well that is it..
It has been a very very VERY BAD 11 DAYS in MARCH... Hoping the rest of the days in march are better.
Comments are very welcomed...
Sunday, March 7, 2010
update from the great beyound.
So where to start?
V-day came and went, had a nice dinner from my wonderful man, cooked stake and noodles. We're broke so didn't expect much more.
We watched his nephew for a few weeks, have yet to see a penny. That's a joke.
We could really use what we were told we'd get. It'd be different if we just did it as a favor and no one would have mentioned $. I hate being told something and it not happening no matter what it is.
Well, Found information out on the boys.... Went to a lawyer, and we should actually be getting a court hearing date in the mail this week. I'm excited for him to finially be able to start seeing the boys even tho this will be a slow process, it's in process thats the main factor. It's been way to long. I'm excited to meet my soon to be step sons'.
umm People are still starting shit. They don't know how to let it go. I don't know why my life concerns them so much. Why do they have to be on top of my buisness (true or not) and throw shit back in my face especially non-sense that isn't true and if it is, PROVE IT. I mean damn these people are 33 and 26 yrs old, the one has a daughter the other one is just lonely and miserable that will never have what she wants in life so she has to make every one else miserable with her. What happens in my life and in our relationship is my business, if he'd turn to drugs and hit me or cheat on me, YOU can laugh all you want, but in the end IT'S MY LIFE AND IT'S MY WORRY!!! I trust that he would not do any of those. But life goes on either way. So mind you own. Stop posting it on the net every where that I'm scum and he's a lowlife cheater--WHO CARES!!!! seriously!! Get a life and stop calling and hanging up.. you want to call us then TALK, don't be calling and hanging up every single day!
Anyway... I'm soooo loved!!!
So nothing too much going on. Thinking about going to Kentucky for a few days with my parents as they go down to get things straightened out for moving in April. My grandma has been in the hospital so I'm really wanting to go. There has been things going on here that i'm not sure if I want to go or not. Not only those things but I have a doctor appointment right before and it will lead into many more appointments and I have to take what is given and right away so if they'd say a date that I'd be away I'd have to take it and not go. My medical issues have been put on hold too long.
I am going absolutly NUTS being in the house all the time and not being able to work. I can't even clean, without being in exterme pain. I can't do the dishes, cook..... soo it all sucks majorly and I need help in all ways then one. Mentally, I am soo depressed it's not even funny anymore I'm having such a hard time trying to fight my demands. I've fought them for so long and now with not working and being in so much pain, having the extra stress of money problems (because I can't work, not just because everyone is dealing with it.. it's not the same here)... We'd be OK if I could work and was bringing in money. So it's not the same and not the economy going under that this is stressing me to no end. It's my back and the pain i live in.. On top of being secretly depressed for YEARS!! and I'm still trying to hide it and not let it out. But it's getting sooo hard. Each day it's harder and harder.
Hell it's that hard that I'm finially writing about it on the internet blog. NO WHERE would you ever find me writing about it but a blog in a paper journal that I had years ago.
So, I really need to get all these doctor appointments going, and stay on top of them, and hopefully I get some meds that help that may actually help me get a job or simply help me get disability. I'm in so much pain that the meds never worked before and on top of that the meds that "did" work, knocked me the hell out so that's not going to help for me working a real job. I need disability or a correction on the pain and that's slim to none. all the surgeries have very low success rates and I don't want them. I'm only 25 yrs old. I want a family, I want to carry and birth my own child at one point. I want to be able to walk down the asile and get married with a real smile on my face and not a "fake" one through the extra pain that will result in the surgeries.
Ok ANYWAY!! My thought is alot of people that need help being welfare,disbaility, housing, whatever, need to fight to the end to prove they need help just to get it. Then you have those people (such as the low lives that keep stalking and harrassing us) that cry wolfe and get disability and unemployement (that is a JOKE when she didn't even work for years then worked for a month in a strip joint and is 300plus pounds)..That get it right away. I will fight and I'm going to fight and prove that I need this, that I wish I wouldn't need this but I do. We need the money, I need this since i can't work, I need to continue to have the health insurence for my back and (not so)obvious mental issues. That I truely do want to work but just can't because I can not handle the pain or the stess of the pain.
FML!!!!
anyway.. My best friend got enagaged on her birthday (last week) so Congrats to her. I'm excited, we were hanging out a lot more this past week talking wedding. Then we all got sick, and my FH's car got "sick" and he has to use my truck so I don't have a way in to her place even if we did feel better. But it was fun and exciting while it lasted. I'm sure there will be plenty more hanging out time and planning weddings.. Our weddings are going to be 98 days apart. Exciting!! They will be the longest 98 for her I'm sure. Mine is Oct. 2011 her's Jan. 2012.
Welp thats about it here. I'll try to update more.
The place has been great. We enjoy it alot. We're looking forward to the next 2 days being very nice and hopefully able to go to the park and walk a little. I need to try and walk more. I will rest when needed and I don't dare to do that alone. I hardly drive alone. OOO and we're trying to find out if we can have a puppy. They were born on Feb 22. So they will be ready in April. I really would like to have a friend with me at all times.. And BFF has the pup's sister so we could have play dates and I could take the puppy to the park. We live near one. (we're not from out here so it's still new to us)..
OK well Hope you all had a great month and have a great monthS ahead of you.
Take care
thanks for reading
much love.
V-day came and went, had a nice dinner from my wonderful man, cooked stake and noodles. We're broke so didn't expect much more.
We watched his nephew for a few weeks, have yet to see a penny. That's a joke.
We could really use what we were told we'd get. It'd be different if we just did it as a favor and no one would have mentioned $. I hate being told something and it not happening no matter what it is.
Well, Found information out on the boys.... Went to a lawyer, and we should actually be getting a court hearing date in the mail this week. I'm excited for him to finially be able to start seeing the boys even tho this will be a slow process, it's in process thats the main factor. It's been way to long. I'm excited to meet my soon to be step sons'.
umm People are still starting shit. They don't know how to let it go. I don't know why my life concerns them so much. Why do they have to be on top of my buisness (true or not) and throw shit back in my face especially non-sense that isn't true and if it is, PROVE IT. I mean damn these people are 33 and 26 yrs old, the one has a daughter the other one is just lonely and miserable that will never have what she wants in life so she has to make every one else miserable with her. What happens in my life and in our relationship is my business, if he'd turn to drugs and hit me or cheat on me, YOU can laugh all you want, but in the end IT'S MY LIFE AND IT'S MY WORRY!!! I trust that he would not do any of those. But life goes on either way. So mind you own. Stop posting it on the net every where that I'm scum and he's a lowlife cheater--WHO CARES!!!! seriously!! Get a life and stop calling and hanging up.. you want to call us then TALK, don't be calling and hanging up every single day!
Anyway... I'm soooo loved!!!
So nothing too much going on. Thinking about going to Kentucky for a few days with my parents as they go down to get things straightened out for moving in April. My grandma has been in the hospital so I'm really wanting to go. There has been things going on here that i'm not sure if I want to go or not. Not only those things but I have a doctor appointment right before and it will lead into many more appointments and I have to take what is given and right away so if they'd say a date that I'd be away I'd have to take it and not go. My medical issues have been put on hold too long.
I am going absolutly NUTS being in the house all the time and not being able to work. I can't even clean, without being in exterme pain. I can't do the dishes, cook..... soo it all sucks majorly and I need help in all ways then one. Mentally, I am soo depressed it's not even funny anymore I'm having such a hard time trying to fight my demands. I've fought them for so long and now with not working and being in so much pain, having the extra stress of money problems (because I can't work, not just because everyone is dealing with it.. it's not the same here)... We'd be OK if I could work and was bringing in money. So it's not the same and not the economy going under that this is stressing me to no end. It's my back and the pain i live in.. On top of being secretly depressed for YEARS!! and I'm still trying to hide it and not let it out. But it's getting sooo hard. Each day it's harder and harder.
Hell it's that hard that I'm finially writing about it on the internet blog. NO WHERE would you ever find me writing about it but a blog in a paper journal that I had years ago.
So, I really need to get all these doctor appointments going, and stay on top of them, and hopefully I get some meds that help that may actually help me get a job or simply help me get disability. I'm in so much pain that the meds never worked before and on top of that the meds that "did" work, knocked me the hell out so that's not going to help for me working a real job. I need disability or a correction on the pain and that's slim to none. all the surgeries have very low success rates and I don't want them. I'm only 25 yrs old. I want a family, I want to carry and birth my own child at one point. I want to be able to walk down the asile and get married with a real smile on my face and not a "fake" one through the extra pain that will result in the surgeries.
Ok ANYWAY!! My thought is alot of people that need help being welfare,disbaility, housing, whatever, need to fight to the end to prove they need help just to get it. Then you have those people (such as the low lives that keep stalking and harrassing us) that cry wolfe and get disability and unemployement (that is a JOKE when she didn't even work for years then worked for a month in a strip joint and is 300plus pounds)..That get it right away. I will fight and I'm going to fight and prove that I need this, that I wish I wouldn't need this but I do. We need the money, I need this since i can't work, I need to continue to have the health insurence for my back and (not so)obvious mental issues. That I truely do want to work but just can't because I can not handle the pain or the stess of the pain.
FML!!!!
anyway.. My best friend got enagaged on her birthday (last week) so Congrats to her. I'm excited, we were hanging out a lot more this past week talking wedding. Then we all got sick, and my FH's car got "sick" and he has to use my truck so I don't have a way in to her place even if we did feel better. But it was fun and exciting while it lasted. I'm sure there will be plenty more hanging out time and planning weddings.. Our weddings are going to be 98 days apart. Exciting!! They will be the longest 98 for her I'm sure. Mine is Oct. 2011 her's Jan. 2012.
Welp thats about it here. I'll try to update more.
The place has been great. We enjoy it alot. We're looking forward to the next 2 days being very nice and hopefully able to go to the park and walk a little. I need to try and walk more. I will rest when needed and I don't dare to do that alone. I hardly drive alone. OOO and we're trying to find out if we can have a puppy. They were born on Feb 22. So they will be ready in April. I really would like to have a friend with me at all times.. And BFF has the pup's sister so we could have play dates and I could take the puppy to the park. We live near one. (we're not from out here so it's still new to us)..
OK well Hope you all had a great month and have a great monthS ahead of you.
Take care
thanks for reading
much love.
Monday, January 25, 2010
IT HAS BEEN A GREAT YEAR SO FAR!!!
SO We got out own place!! We moved in Jan. 12th. We're in and settled, it's great. It's an efficenty apartment but it's very nice, big, and a little different since it was actually an apartment but the one room which would have been the bedroom-was made into a different room in the building. So you can think of how it would be a little different then your average effiency.. It Has one big room and then a kicthen off to the side with a counter/bar area which is nice. And the bathroom is a bit roomy, with a stand up (small)shower, which is ok.. I just have to get use to it and I have to take extra time to sit on the egde and fill it up that way so I can shave cuz can't do that with my back hurting and limited space and nothing to hang on too in there...
Earl is offically off probation. He was "terminated" Jan. 15th!!a year and 2 months EARLY!!! So now more worrying about going to Park City or fishing or the other mall in Burks County, and having to calling letting the PO know i have a doc appointment in Lancaster or soemthing like that since those are places he wasn't allowed to be..And we can take weekend trips or pick up and go to NC or Flordia and not have to worry about getting premission. Wow that will be nice... NOW ONLY IF WE COULD AFFORD IT lol.... His county fine will be paid off later this year. We're slowly getting that down, and down to $300 on another bill (not a fine) but that will be gone after a few months as long as we don't get anything else from them. (funiture wise)..
I got the medical card so now I have a doctor and we no longer have to pay for my BC which saves us $70 a month now.. That was an AWESOME new years present. Now that i have a doctor I will be making an appointment once i get this insurence straightened out.. I signed up for G and they gave me a card with U on it and a different doctor so I really need to figure out whats going on there.. But it'll be ok..
I got my papers for me to fill out for the appeal for Disability. I'm just scared since now all my records are a year old I need updated ones I haven't been to the doctors for updated records not sure how this is going to be working since I don't have alot of the information that I need to put down on there. I just need to get an appointment and put that down. That will work out then.
Wedding planning is back in the cards for us to do. I was doing the guest list for the 100th time the other night and finially realized why people have trouble and need to cut it down after you do it a few times. I got way more then I did the first 98 times.. lol.. with the bridal party and family alone we have a count of 55 people (this included BP's S/O's as well) which realy are only 4, since my MOH and his one GM are together.. Hehehe..This is all starting to feel real but I know it will be more real once we start dishing out money for things. I have to call the pastor that I'd like to marry us, in April sometime to try and confirm everything and to get on the same page as to what needs to be done if anything. Then once that is set in stone, I will then call the hotel where we'd like to have the reception and meet with the lady there in person instead of email (we've been emailing since Sept. 09)... so this will feel real to finaly meet her and get things set up. More then likely won't be able to set it in stone at that first meeting, however we'll have a better idea of what we need $$ wise to make it offical. I'm hoping to do the meeting in April, and have it set in stone, contracted, by the end of June. This will give about a year and 3 months ahead of time to make payments over that time. Then after that will be the photographer, which I have 2 in mind. One I am pretty set on. However, I want to do this right and meet with both and get everything down set packed, prices, packages, coverage, ect. So, we can choose the best one not only for the better price but for the better outcome. Then we have to deciede, DJ OR BAND.. If we go with Band we have to contact the managers by October this year to get information and to put a downpayment or whatever money they would require. If we'd go with a DJ, then we have another year yet, the beginning of next year we'd have to set that into stone. That would be 10 months out so that'd be perfect. We're having someone make cupcakes for us, and decorating them, and the caterer is included with the hotel. So, everything will be taken care of vendor wise. I will then be sending out Save the Dates around Xmas this year. I already have them done just would need to order/print and get them to send out. My neice is making our invites, and as soon as the hotel and church are set in.. I will have her work on them. This is a top thing to do so she can get started over the summer. She is a very good artist, she'll be 14 today at 4:49pm. Time Flies.. Anyway that's everything we'll be doing over the next year and 8 months....
Ok soo all the good things this year soo far-We get a place.
We no longer need to pay $70 for BC.
Earl gets off probation a year and 2 months early.
All the bad things soo far.....
Earl takes his vacation time to straighten out with moving and everything, and his sister ends up getting busted, locked up, her mom now has her 4 yr old son, and she works so we are here to help babysit him, from 530am to 4pm. (baby sitting or getting up isn't the bad thing.... she doesn't like me, doesn't care much of her brother apparently, and will flip when she finds out we're watching her son. And we're not morning ppl at all, he works second shift so we like to stay awake all night and sleep in...)
During the week he has off work, He BREAKS 3 things!!!
1. he is bowling on the wii, we do not have the strips on the controllers since we use it for GH and they don't fit in the guitar..He bowls as if he's doing so in real life and the controler goes flying on top of the entertainment center breaking an OLD OLD OLD salt n Pepper shaker, That was my grandmothers (it's decoritive as well), he glues it back and you can't tell but... I KNOW!!!
2. He is putting his coffee up on the shelf in the kichen and on the other side of the shelf is another stand up shelf on the counter/bar top near the corner, and we have nicknacks on it.. Well there flies the little dogy I had on there. And the paw breaks and he glues it together, again you can't tell but I KNOW!! (BTW I had these 5 dogs since I was 9 yrs old, they are from tupperware, and my grandma bought them for me!!)
3. There are 3 pigs--piggy banks, magnets on the freezer door, well we all know how when you open the door it flies back... well it did just this and the door hits the bathroom door and the pig hit it and fell and shattered.. They are glass btw.. And I got them in Flordia in 2008 when we went with his parents on vacation. 4 months after we started dating... UGH!!!
Soo, 3 good things followed by 3 bad things.. I hope it doesn't get worse then that. I really can't stand any disappointment, death, or lost of money in whatever way, or more pain, talk of surgery.. etc.. Any of this or more that I don't want to list... I hope it doesn't happen....
A 4th thing we're keeping our fingers crossed is for him to get this job. It's a job that would allow him to run a kitchen.... We thought for sure it was a no go, but the guy called back and asked if he was still interested and now he has a shot at it. and he's just waiting for the last person in this position finally gives her notice to when she'll be done, then the guy will tell Earl if he's hired or not, but now it looks like he pretty much has it, they just don't know when he'll be able to start.. So gotta wait about 2 weeks to know I guess for sure..
Ok well it's late, 1:30am and 530 comes quick.. a energenic 4 yr old will be arriving very soon.
*wow it's hot in here*
Earl is offically off probation. He was "terminated" Jan. 15th!!a year and 2 months EARLY!!! So now more worrying about going to Park City or fishing or the other mall in Burks County, and having to calling letting the PO know i have a doc appointment in Lancaster or soemthing like that since those are places he wasn't allowed to be..And we can take weekend trips or pick up and go to NC or Flordia and not have to worry about getting premission. Wow that will be nice... NOW ONLY IF WE COULD AFFORD IT lol.... His county fine will be paid off later this year. We're slowly getting that down, and down to $300 on another bill (not a fine) but that will be gone after a few months as long as we don't get anything else from them. (funiture wise)..
I got the medical card so now I have a doctor and we no longer have to pay for my BC which saves us $70 a month now.. That was an AWESOME new years present. Now that i have a doctor I will be making an appointment once i get this insurence straightened out.. I signed up for G and they gave me a card with U on it and a different doctor so I really need to figure out whats going on there.. But it'll be ok..
I got my papers for me to fill out for the appeal for Disability. I'm just scared since now all my records are a year old I need updated ones I haven't been to the doctors for updated records not sure how this is going to be working since I don't have alot of the information that I need to put down on there. I just need to get an appointment and put that down. That will work out then.
Wedding planning is back in the cards for us to do. I was doing the guest list for the 100th time the other night and finially realized why people have trouble and need to cut it down after you do it a few times. I got way more then I did the first 98 times.. lol.. with the bridal party and family alone we have a count of 55 people (this included BP's S/O's as well) which realy are only 4, since my MOH and his one GM are together.. Hehehe..This is all starting to feel real but I know it will be more real once we start dishing out money for things. I have to call the pastor that I'd like to marry us, in April sometime to try and confirm everything and to get on the same page as to what needs to be done if anything. Then once that is set in stone, I will then call the hotel where we'd like to have the reception and meet with the lady there in person instead of email (we've been emailing since Sept. 09)... so this will feel real to finaly meet her and get things set up. More then likely won't be able to set it in stone at that first meeting, however we'll have a better idea of what we need $$ wise to make it offical. I'm hoping to do the meeting in April, and have it set in stone, contracted, by the end of June. This will give about a year and 3 months ahead of time to make payments over that time. Then after that will be the photographer, which I have 2 in mind. One I am pretty set on. However, I want to do this right and meet with both and get everything down set packed, prices, packages, coverage, ect. So, we can choose the best one not only for the better price but for the better outcome. Then we have to deciede, DJ OR BAND.. If we go with Band we have to contact the managers by October this year to get information and to put a downpayment or whatever money they would require. If we'd go with a DJ, then we have another year yet, the beginning of next year we'd have to set that into stone. That would be 10 months out so that'd be perfect. We're having someone make cupcakes for us, and decorating them, and the caterer is included with the hotel. So, everything will be taken care of vendor wise. I will then be sending out Save the Dates around Xmas this year. I already have them done just would need to order/print and get them to send out. My neice is making our invites, and as soon as the hotel and church are set in.. I will have her work on them. This is a top thing to do so she can get started over the summer. She is a very good artist, she'll be 14 today at 4:49pm. Time Flies.. Anyway that's everything we'll be doing over the next year and 8 months....
Ok soo all the good things this year soo far-We get a place.
We no longer need to pay $70 for BC.
Earl gets off probation a year and 2 months early.
All the bad things soo far.....
Earl takes his vacation time to straighten out with moving and everything, and his sister ends up getting busted, locked up, her mom now has her 4 yr old son, and she works so we are here to help babysit him, from 530am to 4pm. (baby sitting or getting up isn't the bad thing.... she doesn't like me, doesn't care much of her brother apparently, and will flip when she finds out we're watching her son. And we're not morning ppl at all, he works second shift so we like to stay awake all night and sleep in...)
During the week he has off work, He BREAKS 3 things!!!
1. he is bowling on the wii, we do not have the strips on the controllers since we use it for GH and they don't fit in the guitar..He bowls as if he's doing so in real life and the controler goes flying on top of the entertainment center breaking an OLD OLD OLD salt n Pepper shaker, That was my grandmothers (it's decoritive as well), he glues it back and you can't tell but... I KNOW!!!
2. He is putting his coffee up on the shelf in the kichen and on the other side of the shelf is another stand up shelf on the counter/bar top near the corner, and we have nicknacks on it.. Well there flies the little dogy I had on there. And the paw breaks and he glues it together, again you can't tell but I KNOW!! (BTW I had these 5 dogs since I was 9 yrs old, they are from tupperware, and my grandma bought them for me!!)
3. There are 3 pigs--piggy banks, magnets on the freezer door, well we all know how when you open the door it flies back... well it did just this and the door hits the bathroom door and the pig hit it and fell and shattered.. They are glass btw.. And I got them in Flordia in 2008 when we went with his parents on vacation. 4 months after we started dating... UGH!!!
Soo, 3 good things followed by 3 bad things.. I hope it doesn't get worse then that. I really can't stand any disappointment, death, or lost of money in whatever way, or more pain, talk of surgery.. etc.. Any of this or more that I don't want to list... I hope it doesn't happen....
A 4th thing we're keeping our fingers crossed is for him to get this job. It's a job that would allow him to run a kitchen.... We thought for sure it was a no go, but the guy called back and asked if he was still interested and now he has a shot at it. and he's just waiting for the last person in this position finally gives her notice to when she'll be done, then the guy will tell Earl if he's hired or not, but now it looks like he pretty much has it, they just don't know when he'll be able to start.. So gotta wait about 2 weeks to know I guess for sure..
Ok well it's late, 1:30am and 530 comes quick.. a energenic 4 yr old will be arriving very soon.
*wow it's hot in here*
Monday, January 4, 2010
Another year past by!! This year will be better!!!
One more year that past with Earl not being able to see the boys. For me not to be able to meet my future step sons. Another year that past that her pocket got filled with his money. Another year that she completely ignored every attempt we made to contact her.
The year that wasn't the greatest for me. Living in pain each and every day. Seeing who my real true friends are, and becoming closer to the man I fall in love with each and every day (minus when he's picking on me). Changes started in the process in this past year. Changes that have to continue to change in 2010. Love is stronger then hate!!!
2010 will be BETTER it's a new year, a new Decade!!!
2010 will be new, will be different!! For money reasons. We'll get our own place, he'll get a 2nd job or maybe even a better paying job. After we're settled in our own place, WE WILL be doing everything in our power to get HER for contempt, and make her pay for ruining the last 2 yrs of his life (5 yrs total, 3 of which could have been contacted via mail and phone, may have been his fault but anyway)....We will make a stand that woman want their baby's dad to see the children and pay child support. Thats great But then there are low lifes that don't want anything to do with the child/children and don't bother seeing or paying for them.
We always hear about these guys and we hardly ever hear of the more and more common, that there are woman out there moving on with there lives, wanting the money but not wanting the father in the children's lives.!!
This is becoming more and more common. If you have a child, you pay for them, if you have a child you should see them, call them, be apart of their lives. IF you have a child that you have all the time, you want to collect the money so allow the father to be apart of the child's life....
Some people have done things and has paid for them. That is no reason to keep your children away from the father that continues to put money in your account each and every week. That continues to strive to see what his boys look like, that continues to hurt each and every minute but hurts even more each and every time he see's children out and about, or on the holidays and father's day, birthdays. It hurts 10x's more. I can't even imagine what he feels on days like today. Not knowing what his boys are doing and knowing he wants to see them so badly but just can't afford to get that laywer to make it happen.
Everything in life is all about MONEY MONEY MONEY!!!
This "mom" gives alot of woman a bad name. I know far to well there are plenty of couples out there that had children and are working things out calmly, seeing the kids, and paying and maybe even not paying but the mom still allows the child to be apart of his life. Cuz the mom's realize it's about the child not just diapers and milk and the hatered or the feelings she has with the father. It's ABOUT THE CHILD OR CHILDREN. Some woman can not take this and make it different. They need to seperate the feelings they have toward the other parent and start thinking of the growing children that are invovled.
Ok soo thats one major part that will take place this new year. He will get a better paying or a second job, and we'll get our own place. My parents will be moving out of state. We'll be living our lives, FIGHTING FOR THE BOYS!!, planning our wedding. And trying to get by each and every day....
HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL!!PRAYING YOU ALL HAVE A SAFE AND HAPPY YEAR!!!!!
NEW YEAR!!!
NEW DECADE!!
NEW THINGS!!!
BETTER YEAR!!!!!
The year that wasn't the greatest for me. Living in pain each and every day. Seeing who my real true friends are, and becoming closer to the man I fall in love with each and every day (minus when he's picking on me). Changes started in the process in this past year. Changes that have to continue to change in 2010. Love is stronger then hate!!!
2010 will be BETTER it's a new year, a new Decade!!!
2010 will be new, will be different!! For money reasons. We'll get our own place, he'll get a 2nd job or maybe even a better paying job. After we're settled in our own place, WE WILL be doing everything in our power to get HER for contempt, and make her pay for ruining the last 2 yrs of his life (5 yrs total, 3 of which could have been contacted via mail and phone, may have been his fault but anyway)....We will make a stand that woman want their baby's dad to see the children and pay child support. Thats great But then there are low lifes that don't want anything to do with the child/children and don't bother seeing or paying for them.
We always hear about these guys and we hardly ever hear of the more and more common, that there are woman out there moving on with there lives, wanting the money but not wanting the father in the children's lives.!!
This is becoming more and more common. If you have a child, you pay for them, if you have a child you should see them, call them, be apart of their lives. IF you have a child that you have all the time, you want to collect the money so allow the father to be apart of the child's life....
Some people have done things and has paid for them. That is no reason to keep your children away from the father that continues to put money in your account each and every week. That continues to strive to see what his boys look like, that continues to hurt each and every minute but hurts even more each and every time he see's children out and about, or on the holidays and father's day, birthdays. It hurts 10x's more. I can't even imagine what he feels on days like today. Not knowing what his boys are doing and knowing he wants to see them so badly but just can't afford to get that laywer to make it happen.
Everything in life is all about MONEY MONEY MONEY!!!
This "mom" gives alot of woman a bad name. I know far to well there are plenty of couples out there that had children and are working things out calmly, seeing the kids, and paying and maybe even not paying but the mom still allows the child to be apart of his life. Cuz the mom's realize it's about the child not just diapers and milk and the hatered or the feelings she has with the father. It's ABOUT THE CHILD OR CHILDREN. Some woman can not take this and make it different. They need to seperate the feelings they have toward the other parent and start thinking of the growing children that are invovled.
Ok soo thats one major part that will take place this new year. He will get a better paying or a second job, and we'll get our own place. My parents will be moving out of state. We'll be living our lives, FIGHTING FOR THE BOYS!!, planning our wedding. And trying to get by each and every day....
HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL!!PRAYING YOU ALL HAVE A SAFE AND HAPPY YEAR!!!!!
NEW YEAR!!!
NEW DECADE!!
NEW THINGS!!!
BETTER YEAR!!!!!
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Happy holidays!
Well, not too much new here.. Our Christmas was as usual, my mom surprised me by doing very well with our gifts. (that goes along way with my mom!!) I got a digtal picture frame from my love, 2 different sets of picture coasters, and a 3 peice picture frame set, with family and friends thing that goes in the front. I told him, he has to put another hole on both sides so i can put both in there... But I'm very happy with all the picture things, LOVE THEM!!!!! I of course also got my fashion bug card. I went and got close to $100 worth, but it came down to $67 and still got close to $8 bucks left.. I got 2 jeans, a shirt, and a sweater type thing *coat*..
.....
Mr Smarty Pants thought i'd be great to get rid of his desk and to get the desk from his parents. (not too bad of an idea I like the desk) however, it's not small enough for the space we have. So now since it's too big for this space, HE has to re-arrange everything tonight.. It's a small space and I won't have the internet for like an hour or two hopefully he won't screw it up too much...
...
Soo, the one job fell through since he had a job the guy said he hired this other dude cuz he didn't have a job.. Well little did he know that E was willing to cut back on his actual job and make that 2nd job his 1st since they give more hours and the start rate is better.. But o well that dudes lose, especially since the guy he hired is nothing but a loser anyway. He'll last for maybe a year if that. Thats probally giving him too much credit. Anyway.. He still has to call about another job, put in 2 apps at 2 other places we thought of. And He's going to go talk to dude tomorrow sometime I guess, to find out more about a position that would able him to run a resturnat. He worked there before, he done most of it before at this particular place. However, that wasn't his position to do then, so the pay didn't go well with that. Him and another guy were taking over for a guy that was out of work and they never got another guy to take over. (if this makes sence).. Soo now this position is actually open and is up for a salary rate. E wants to run a resturant soo bad, this would be a great oppertunity and I know he'd doing great at it. The benefits from it would be awesome as well. The pay, would allow us to be "OK" in life and live on our own..It'd give him a flexible but alot of hours to be put in, at times it'd be flexible. I am not sure if there are actual health benefits... We'd get a discount on hotels, and be able to take weekend or weekday trips. AND AND AND!!!! Eheheheh, since it's a choice hotel, we'd possibly get a discount on our wedding reception now I'm keen on the idea of NOT having it at that hotel however I want it at the holiday inn near the casino which is also the winter circle so I am sure we'd be able to pull some strings there!! ooo Soo excited!!
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PRAY That he gets this job. We need this soo baddly the main reason is so we can finially live on our own and live OUR lives and be able to be a "family" and then that will also help when we go get the boys.. Doesn't look well when we live with my parents in a 2 bedroom and trying to get custody of the boys. that wouldn't work good..
..
Speaking of which.. Christmas Eve!! We decieded to get them something. being 5 yrs since he's been in there live of any contact he has no idea what they are into. No idea what size they are however, we know they are still slender and about weist hight or a tad taller (from pictures I saw on the mom's myspace hehehe).. anyway. We got them a pant set and the same size so if anything it's too big. I didn't realize how hard it is to shop for boys you don't know what they like. For a girl hell all you got to do is buy a barbie or a doll and they'd be happy lol.. Soo anyway, I wrapped them up in the boxes and then we copied the court papers and I wrapped them up in a box for the mom. The point was to make her know she is in contempt and he's not playing so he will take it to court.. (as soon as we can afford our own place and afford a laywer payment every month WE WILL take it to court) but she doesn't need to know that part. She is in contempt them papers were to remind her that, that custody/visitiation arrangment still stands after this long. They are still in the vaild and mean something. Now we have no clue if she would even allow the boys to unwrap or even keep the clothing and all we know and can smile about a little is that she definitally was "bit&ching" up a storm and we possibly ruined her day. So that makes him smile knowing how harsh she has been. I know it hurts him soo much. It hurts me not knowing what to do, now understanding what can be done. I come from a family that my parents are married and we don't have to go through the courts or visitations.. He's from a mixed family, not that, that makes it any easier but it makes it a little more understanding. I think..
...
Over all We had a great Christmas and was able to get eachother something, thinking we were getting nothing. So it was nice. We are starting to save little by little. I got approved for the medical card so that will help with my BC and cut back on that "bill" so thats extra money we can save every month....
Hoping 2010 is way better then 2009. IT's starting off better alrady so thats a good thing. 2008 didn't end so well so that kinda made the point that 2009 wasn't going to be a good year. If 2009 continues to end on a good/decent note, that I hope will mean 2010 will be a better year then 2009. And of course 2011 is right around the corner and will be even a BETTER YEAR!! SInce we are getting married then..
April will be here before we know it and thats the earliest we can put a deposit on our venue. I want to talk to the pastor as well to try and figure out what needs to be done (paid) for so we can use him and the church to get married.
Alright well I have to take my aunt home so I will blog again some other time.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh why would any normal parent allow their children or child run continuely throughout an upstairs apartment.. ALL DAY AND NIGHT!!! When they wake me up at 746am you know they are loud I'm HARD TO WAKE UP.. I sleep sound. They were at it then and again I heard them at a little before 9 and throught out the afternoon, and now they are at it even louder before 9PM!!! aaahhh
OK vent done there bye
.....
Mr Smarty Pants thought i'd be great to get rid of his desk and to get the desk from his parents. (not too bad of an idea I like the desk) however, it's not small enough for the space we have. So now since it's too big for this space, HE has to re-arrange everything tonight.. It's a small space and I won't have the internet for like an hour or two hopefully he won't screw it up too much...
...
Soo, the one job fell through since he had a job the guy said he hired this other dude cuz he didn't have a job.. Well little did he know that E was willing to cut back on his actual job and make that 2nd job his 1st since they give more hours and the start rate is better.. But o well that dudes lose, especially since the guy he hired is nothing but a loser anyway. He'll last for maybe a year if that. Thats probally giving him too much credit. Anyway.. He still has to call about another job, put in 2 apps at 2 other places we thought of. And He's going to go talk to dude tomorrow sometime I guess, to find out more about a position that would able him to run a resturnat. He worked there before, he done most of it before at this particular place. However, that wasn't his position to do then, so the pay didn't go well with that. Him and another guy were taking over for a guy that was out of work and they never got another guy to take over. (if this makes sence).. Soo now this position is actually open and is up for a salary rate. E wants to run a resturant soo bad, this would be a great oppertunity and I know he'd doing great at it. The benefits from it would be awesome as well. The pay, would allow us to be "OK" in life and live on our own..It'd give him a flexible but alot of hours to be put in, at times it'd be flexible. I am not sure if there are actual health benefits... We'd get a discount on hotels, and be able to take weekend or weekday trips. AND AND AND!!!! Eheheheh, since it's a choice hotel, we'd possibly get a discount on our wedding reception now I'm keen on the idea of NOT having it at that hotel however I want it at the holiday inn near the casino which is also the winter circle so I am sure we'd be able to pull some strings there!! ooo Soo excited!!
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PRAY That he gets this job. We need this soo baddly the main reason is so we can finially live on our own and live OUR lives and be able to be a "family" and then that will also help when we go get the boys.. Doesn't look well when we live with my parents in a 2 bedroom and trying to get custody of the boys. that wouldn't work good..
..
Speaking of which.. Christmas Eve!! We decieded to get them something. being 5 yrs since he's been in there live of any contact he has no idea what they are into. No idea what size they are however, we know they are still slender and about weist hight or a tad taller (from pictures I saw on the mom's myspace hehehe).. anyway. We got them a pant set and the same size so if anything it's too big. I didn't realize how hard it is to shop for boys you don't know what they like. For a girl hell all you got to do is buy a barbie or a doll and they'd be happy lol.. Soo anyway, I wrapped them up in the boxes and then we copied the court papers and I wrapped them up in a box for the mom. The point was to make her know she is in contempt and he's not playing so he will take it to court.. (as soon as we can afford our own place and afford a laywer payment every month WE WILL take it to court) but she doesn't need to know that part. She is in contempt them papers were to remind her that, that custody/visitiation arrangment still stands after this long. They are still in the vaild and mean something. Now we have no clue if she would even allow the boys to unwrap or even keep the clothing and all we know and can smile about a little is that she definitally was "bit&ching" up a storm and we possibly ruined her day. So that makes him smile knowing how harsh she has been. I know it hurts him soo much. It hurts me not knowing what to do, now understanding what can be done. I come from a family that my parents are married and we don't have to go through the courts or visitations.. He's from a mixed family, not that, that makes it any easier but it makes it a little more understanding. I think..
...
Over all We had a great Christmas and was able to get eachother something, thinking we were getting nothing. So it was nice. We are starting to save little by little. I got approved for the medical card so that will help with my BC and cut back on that "bill" so thats extra money we can save every month....
Hoping 2010 is way better then 2009. IT's starting off better alrady so thats a good thing. 2008 didn't end so well so that kinda made the point that 2009 wasn't going to be a good year. If 2009 continues to end on a good/decent note, that I hope will mean 2010 will be a better year then 2009. And of course 2011 is right around the corner and will be even a BETTER YEAR!! SInce we are getting married then..
April will be here before we know it and thats the earliest we can put a deposit on our venue. I want to talk to the pastor as well to try and figure out what needs to be done (paid) for so we can use him and the church to get married.
Alright well I have to take my aunt home so I will blog again some other time.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh why would any normal parent allow their children or child run continuely throughout an upstairs apartment.. ALL DAY AND NIGHT!!! When they wake me up at 746am you know they are loud I'm HARD TO WAKE UP.. I sleep sound. They were at it then and again I heard them at a little before 9 and throught out the afternoon, and now they are at it even louder before 9PM!!! aaahhh
OK vent done there bye
Thursday, December 24, 2009
HAPPY AND BLESSINGS!!!
It's Christmas Eve.. My last blog was sorta harsh in a way.. I just want to say that the last week and days without them in my life, no texts, no myspace no facebook.. I can't see a thing they say they can't see a thing I say.. It has been FANTASTIC!!! No more rubing in my face, ahaha i have my own place. Soo yea. its been very nice.
I had gotten such great news? I got the medical card and will be getting help in the way I need to.. My pain today has been surprisingly low. Of course until I sat on the floor to wrap gifts.
I was able to get some money to buy a few things I am so happy I didn't have to go without wrapping gifts this year. Not nearly as much as usual but at least I was able to. Its the thought that counts.
I can't believe it's Christmas already omgosh!!!
Soo things are on a roll. E and I are GREAT and are soo happy. We are moving along just great. There are 2 things missing and we have to work on them slowly but surely.. One of course is getting our own place.. We can't afford anything right now without my income.. Praying he gets another job to help in that ara. Once we get a place. Then it will set forth what we have to do to get the boys. He has gone 5 yrs without seeing them. Yes 3 yrs was his fault, he paid for that. Last year and this year Was not his fault. He mentioned to me about getting something for each one and wrapping them and taking them and putting it on the prouch out there. So we'll be traveling out that way tonight when he gets off work. Now just hope she actually gives the gifts to the boys. And then she gets a little present as well. A note, along with the custdoy/visitation papers that are still good and to show she is in contempt and he is not playing anymore. 2010 will be a NEW FRESH YEAR.. It will be OUR YEAR.. The year leading up to our marriage, the year for him to be the father he's acheing to be to them wonderful 2 children he hasn't seen in so long. His heart breaks every holiday and birthday.. And days between. Being with him almost 2 yrs and I have yet to meet them.
Ok well, I gotta go chop some celery for my mom.. Well and everyone they don't want big chunks lol.. soo it's my duty..
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!
I will try to update again soon..
MUCH LOVE, SAFE TRAVELS AND HAVE A BLESSED DAY!! And HAPPY NEW YEAR!! May it be a BETTER year for us All!!!
I had gotten such great news? I got the medical card and will be getting help in the way I need to.. My pain today has been surprisingly low. Of course until I sat on the floor to wrap gifts.
I was able to get some money to buy a few things I am so happy I didn't have to go without wrapping gifts this year. Not nearly as much as usual but at least I was able to. Its the thought that counts.
I can't believe it's Christmas already omgosh!!!
Soo things are on a roll. E and I are GREAT and are soo happy. We are moving along just great. There are 2 things missing and we have to work on them slowly but surely.. One of course is getting our own place.. We can't afford anything right now without my income.. Praying he gets another job to help in that ara. Once we get a place. Then it will set forth what we have to do to get the boys. He has gone 5 yrs without seeing them. Yes 3 yrs was his fault, he paid for that. Last year and this year Was not his fault. He mentioned to me about getting something for each one and wrapping them and taking them and putting it on the prouch out there. So we'll be traveling out that way tonight when he gets off work. Now just hope she actually gives the gifts to the boys. And then she gets a little present as well. A note, along with the custdoy/visitation papers that are still good and to show she is in contempt and he is not playing anymore. 2010 will be a NEW FRESH YEAR.. It will be OUR YEAR.. The year leading up to our marriage, the year for him to be the father he's acheing to be to them wonderful 2 children he hasn't seen in so long. His heart breaks every holiday and birthday.. And days between. Being with him almost 2 yrs and I have yet to meet them.
Ok well, I gotta go chop some celery for my mom.. Well and everyone they don't want big chunks lol.. soo it's my duty..
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!
I will try to update again soon..
MUCH LOVE, SAFE TRAVELS AND HAVE A BLESSED DAY!! And HAPPY NEW YEAR!! May it be a BETTER year for us All!!!
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