Soo I am sick all the time.. not like throwing up but feeling sick. screachy throat, ears bugging me, nose going wild or standing still. It just bugs me..
We hit rocks and still on small rocks...
Then BOOM bad bad bad!
can't go into details, I rather NOT go into details. It's a BOGUS FREAKIN THING and it's stupid and I don't know what to think or feel or whatever..
My depression has been taking over. I'm stressed to no end.
I have a doctors appointment on Monday and I'm scared shitless because I haven't had the best of luck with doctors. They are all freaking MEAN to me and RUDE.
I just want Pain killers and $$.. I want to work. I know I can't handle the pain so I just want disability to go through. I want things to be back to "normal" I want to have a good life. Things were going soo good. I knew something bad had to happen it always happens like this..
Not to mention my grandma being in and out of hte hospital.
What the hell..
Soo after starting March 11th off with BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD things... (sure I guess it could have been worse).. We later get some good news.. We got a hearing date in about 3 weeks. So hopefully he will be reunited with his boys very soon. Praying... He needs them so much. He will be such a better person and complete. His heart will be FILLED with LOVE AND JOY AND HAPPINESS once them boys are back in his life and he's back in their lives..
And I got the paper work to let me know SSD got my appeal soo I got to get that from my parents and go over that and do what I gotta do there. I have to change my address with some other places.. Praying it doesn't change some things because I have no clue whatsoever how we will manage.. It's soo scarey..
Praying he gets another 2nd job and brings in a few extra dollars a week.. It will help soo much. And that The Hearing is all the farther we go. I really hope we don't got to go any farther.
OK well that is it..
It has been a very very VERY BAD 11 DAYS in MARCH... Hoping the rest of the days in march are better.
Comments are very welcomed...
Friday, March 12, 2010
Sunday, March 7, 2010
update from the great beyound.
So where to start?
V-day came and went, had a nice dinner from my wonderful man, cooked stake and noodles. We're broke so didn't expect much more.
We watched his nephew for a few weeks, have yet to see a penny. That's a joke.
We could really use what we were told we'd get. It'd be different if we just did it as a favor and no one would have mentioned $. I hate being told something and it not happening no matter what it is.
Well, Found information out on the boys.... Went to a lawyer, and we should actually be getting a court hearing date in the mail this week. I'm excited for him to finially be able to start seeing the boys even tho this will be a slow process, it's in process thats the main factor. It's been way to long. I'm excited to meet my soon to be step sons'.
umm People are still starting shit. They don't know how to let it go. I don't know why my life concerns them so much. Why do they have to be on top of my buisness (true or not) and throw shit back in my face especially non-sense that isn't true and if it is, PROVE IT. I mean damn these people are 33 and 26 yrs old, the one has a daughter the other one is just lonely and miserable that will never have what she wants in life so she has to make every one else miserable with her. What happens in my life and in our relationship is my business, if he'd turn to drugs and hit me or cheat on me, YOU can laugh all you want, but in the end IT'S MY LIFE AND IT'S MY WORRY!!! I trust that he would not do any of those. But life goes on either way. So mind you own. Stop posting it on the net every where that I'm scum and he's a lowlife cheater--WHO CARES!!!! seriously!! Get a life and stop calling and hanging up.. you want to call us then TALK, don't be calling and hanging up every single day!
Anyway... I'm soooo loved!!!
So nothing too much going on. Thinking about going to Kentucky for a few days with my parents as they go down to get things straightened out for moving in April. My grandma has been in the hospital so I'm really wanting to go. There has been things going on here that i'm not sure if I want to go or not. Not only those things but I have a doctor appointment right before and it will lead into many more appointments and I have to take what is given and right away so if they'd say a date that I'd be away I'd have to take it and not go. My medical issues have been put on hold too long.
I am going absolutly NUTS being in the house all the time and not being able to work. I can't even clean, without being in exterme pain. I can't do the dishes, cook..... soo it all sucks majorly and I need help in all ways then one. Mentally, I am soo depressed it's not even funny anymore I'm having such a hard time trying to fight my demands. I've fought them for so long and now with not working and being in so much pain, having the extra stress of money problems (because I can't work, not just because everyone is dealing with it.. it's not the same here)... We'd be OK if I could work and was bringing in money. So it's not the same and not the economy going under that this is stressing me to no end. It's my back and the pain i live in.. On top of being secretly depressed for YEARS!! and I'm still trying to hide it and not let it out. But it's getting sooo hard. Each day it's harder and harder.
Hell it's that hard that I'm finially writing about it on the internet blog. NO WHERE would you ever find me writing about it but a blog in a paper journal that I had years ago.
So, I really need to get all these doctor appointments going, and stay on top of them, and hopefully I get some meds that help that may actually help me get a job or simply help me get disability. I'm in so much pain that the meds never worked before and on top of that the meds that "did" work, knocked me the hell out so that's not going to help for me working a real job. I need disability or a correction on the pain and that's slim to none. all the surgeries have very low success rates and I don't want them. I'm only 25 yrs old. I want a family, I want to carry and birth my own child at one point. I want to be able to walk down the asile and get married with a real smile on my face and not a "fake" one through the extra pain that will result in the surgeries.
Ok ANYWAY!! My thought is alot of people that need help being welfare,disbaility, housing, whatever, need to fight to the end to prove they need help just to get it. Then you have those people (such as the low lives that keep stalking and harrassing us) that cry wolfe and get disability and unemployement (that is a JOKE when she didn't even work for years then worked for a month in a strip joint and is 300plus pounds)..That get it right away. I will fight and I'm going to fight and prove that I need this, that I wish I wouldn't need this but I do. We need the money, I need this since i can't work, I need to continue to have the health insurence for my back and (not so)obvious mental issues. That I truely do want to work but just can't because I can not handle the pain or the stess of the pain.
FML!!!!
anyway.. My best friend got enagaged on her birthday (last week) so Congrats to her. I'm excited, we were hanging out a lot more this past week talking wedding. Then we all got sick, and my FH's car got "sick" and he has to use my truck so I don't have a way in to her place even if we did feel better. But it was fun and exciting while it lasted. I'm sure there will be plenty more hanging out time and planning weddings.. Our weddings are going to be 98 days apart. Exciting!! They will be the longest 98 for her I'm sure. Mine is Oct. 2011 her's Jan. 2012.
Welp thats about it here. I'll try to update more.
The place has been great. We enjoy it alot. We're looking forward to the next 2 days being very nice and hopefully able to go to the park and walk a little. I need to try and walk more. I will rest when needed and I don't dare to do that alone. I hardly drive alone. OOO and we're trying to find out if we can have a puppy. They were born on Feb 22. So they will be ready in April. I really would like to have a friend with me at all times.. And BFF has the pup's sister so we could have play dates and I could take the puppy to the park. We live near one. (we're not from out here so it's still new to us)..
OK well Hope you all had a great month and have a great monthS ahead of you.
Take care
thanks for reading
much love.
V-day came and went, had a nice dinner from my wonderful man, cooked stake and noodles. We're broke so didn't expect much more.
We watched his nephew for a few weeks, have yet to see a penny. That's a joke.
We could really use what we were told we'd get. It'd be different if we just did it as a favor and no one would have mentioned $. I hate being told something and it not happening no matter what it is.
Well, Found information out on the boys.... Went to a lawyer, and we should actually be getting a court hearing date in the mail this week. I'm excited for him to finially be able to start seeing the boys even tho this will be a slow process, it's in process thats the main factor. It's been way to long. I'm excited to meet my soon to be step sons'.
umm People are still starting shit. They don't know how to let it go. I don't know why my life concerns them so much. Why do they have to be on top of my buisness (true or not) and throw shit back in my face especially non-sense that isn't true and if it is, PROVE IT. I mean damn these people are 33 and 26 yrs old, the one has a daughter the other one is just lonely and miserable that will never have what she wants in life so she has to make every one else miserable with her. What happens in my life and in our relationship is my business, if he'd turn to drugs and hit me or cheat on me, YOU can laugh all you want, but in the end IT'S MY LIFE AND IT'S MY WORRY!!! I trust that he would not do any of those. But life goes on either way. So mind you own. Stop posting it on the net every where that I'm scum and he's a lowlife cheater--WHO CARES!!!! seriously!! Get a life and stop calling and hanging up.. you want to call us then TALK, don't be calling and hanging up every single day!
Anyway... I'm soooo loved!!!
So nothing too much going on. Thinking about going to Kentucky for a few days with my parents as they go down to get things straightened out for moving in April. My grandma has been in the hospital so I'm really wanting to go. There has been things going on here that i'm not sure if I want to go or not. Not only those things but I have a doctor appointment right before and it will lead into many more appointments and I have to take what is given and right away so if they'd say a date that I'd be away I'd have to take it and not go. My medical issues have been put on hold too long.
I am going absolutly NUTS being in the house all the time and not being able to work. I can't even clean, without being in exterme pain. I can't do the dishes, cook..... soo it all sucks majorly and I need help in all ways then one. Mentally, I am soo depressed it's not even funny anymore I'm having such a hard time trying to fight my demands. I've fought them for so long and now with not working and being in so much pain, having the extra stress of money problems (because I can't work, not just because everyone is dealing with it.. it's not the same here)... We'd be OK if I could work and was bringing in money. So it's not the same and not the economy going under that this is stressing me to no end. It's my back and the pain i live in.. On top of being secretly depressed for YEARS!! and I'm still trying to hide it and not let it out. But it's getting sooo hard. Each day it's harder and harder.
Hell it's that hard that I'm finially writing about it on the internet blog. NO WHERE would you ever find me writing about it but a blog in a paper journal that I had years ago.
So, I really need to get all these doctor appointments going, and stay on top of them, and hopefully I get some meds that help that may actually help me get a job or simply help me get disability. I'm in so much pain that the meds never worked before and on top of that the meds that "did" work, knocked me the hell out so that's not going to help for me working a real job. I need disability or a correction on the pain and that's slim to none. all the surgeries have very low success rates and I don't want them. I'm only 25 yrs old. I want a family, I want to carry and birth my own child at one point. I want to be able to walk down the asile and get married with a real smile on my face and not a "fake" one through the extra pain that will result in the surgeries.
Ok ANYWAY!! My thought is alot of people that need help being welfare,disbaility, housing, whatever, need to fight to the end to prove they need help just to get it. Then you have those people (such as the low lives that keep stalking and harrassing us) that cry wolfe and get disability and unemployement (that is a JOKE when she didn't even work for years then worked for a month in a strip joint and is 300plus pounds)..That get it right away. I will fight and I'm going to fight and prove that I need this, that I wish I wouldn't need this but I do. We need the money, I need this since i can't work, I need to continue to have the health insurence for my back and (not so)obvious mental issues. That I truely do want to work but just can't because I can not handle the pain or the stess of the pain.
FML!!!!
anyway.. My best friend got enagaged on her birthday (last week) so Congrats to her. I'm excited, we were hanging out a lot more this past week talking wedding. Then we all got sick, and my FH's car got "sick" and he has to use my truck so I don't have a way in to her place even if we did feel better. But it was fun and exciting while it lasted. I'm sure there will be plenty more hanging out time and planning weddings.. Our weddings are going to be 98 days apart. Exciting!! They will be the longest 98 for her I'm sure. Mine is Oct. 2011 her's Jan. 2012.
Welp thats about it here. I'll try to update more.
The place has been great. We enjoy it alot. We're looking forward to the next 2 days being very nice and hopefully able to go to the park and walk a little. I need to try and walk more. I will rest when needed and I don't dare to do that alone. I hardly drive alone. OOO and we're trying to find out if we can have a puppy. They were born on Feb 22. So they will be ready in April. I really would like to have a friend with me at all times.. And BFF has the pup's sister so we could have play dates and I could take the puppy to the park. We live near one. (we're not from out here so it's still new to us)..
OK well Hope you all had a great month and have a great monthS ahead of you.
Take care
thanks for reading
much love.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)